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Ren

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yay [Jan. 19th, 2009|09:39 pm]
Ren
at last something good happend, I got's shinny new phone, yay!

Blackberry Curve 8900 - I choose it over the bold/storm before ya ask, as I dont like touchscreen crap and the bold is like a brick...

I love's it, screen is like crystal sharp, and it means I can finnaly put my crusty old Nokia 6680 to bed!

new number - 0754 507 8156

feel free to call/text/send me love/invite me on pub trips etc :D
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Why does my mind have to work that way [Jan. 2nd, 2009|10:03 am]
Ren
I've had no fuckin sleep, Gemma came round last night for a brief 10 minutes or so, seemed troubled, so now im like, worried and shit again. Id had a good bday and nye, id not seen her and she wasn't in my thoughts, it was easy, now all I have going though my head is "is she ok?"


fuckin allsorts going through my head, from good to the most fuckin terrible, FFS i dont need this right now, im so fuckin angry about what happened to pete, if I hear or see something I dont want to, I will fuckin kill the 1st person that gets in my path, that scares me, what scares me more is I allready have targets planned, I dont know what the fuck is going on, why am I being dragged back into my old lifestyle? I was doing so fuckin well
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Fuck it [Dec. 24th, 2008|03:30 am]
Ren
I've decided, its gonna hurt like fuck, but I've removed G from everything, I cant try and be positive and change my self whilst I'm still totally in love with her and can see everything and read about everthing she does.

I'f ya read this Gemma, im not being childish, i hope you understand, I cant get used to you not wanting me as a partner if I can still see how your feeling 247 or, what you cooking for your tea, lol, it's just a temp break so we can both have a breather with out you feeling like im restricting you life

hopefully in the future we can be some kind of friends, our time together means so much to me, and I love you more than anything, but I cant change the way you feel, so this is my way of moving on and letting you do the same.


xxx
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Codename DIE [Dec. 12th, 2008|06:51 pm]
Ren
Re-mastered codename-die from The A.C today, forgot what a great song it was

"
You will take the heart of me
Rip it up and laugh it off
throw the pieces on the fire
leave me empty cold and numb

DIE
Our Ideals not the same
DIE
Should have seen it from the start
DIE
You left me feeling, dead inside
DIE
now I want the same from you


During all the time we shared
you were making me the fool
blinded by my thoughts of love
how could I not see it?

DIE
Our Ideals not the same
DIE
Should have seen it from the start
DIE
You left me feeling, dead inside
DIE
now I want the same from you


Can you feel it?
Hurts don't it?
I can keep this up all day
You want more ?
I've got more
I'm not done
YET

DIE
Our Ideals not the same
DIE
Should have seen it from the start
DIE
You left me feeling, dead inside
DIE
now I want the same from you

from you!
"

1st song Jon screamed on, worked really feckin well

Wonder if the new Ambivalent Complex Vocalist will make it any better ?

Oh, did I forget to mention that ?


Were Back!

2009 :D

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Control Breaks Away [Dec. 11th, 2008|08:58 pm]
Ren
[Mood |misserable]

I wish you'd turn away from me, and my life
your like a drug, that twists and deforms inside my mind.
I gave in to your orders, I bowed to your needs
Like a machine, but there's no control when your driving me

The time's I spend here, in the darkness of my mind
clawing at what shred of sanity still remains.
I tried to hold on, to the one thing that was good
but I forgot, and because of you, I've lost my mind

I break down inside because of you
you surge though my veins and attack my heart.
you tightened the grip, around my neck, with your noose
your choking the life out of me, cant you here me scream?

No one can save me

Why cant you see, your the only one for me?
Why cant you see, now its come to this
your.
your Killing me.
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for the love of god [Dec. 2nd, 2008|05:46 pm]
Ren
I wish I could just get hit by a bus and it would be all over, I dont understand whats going on, how I can hurt someone so badly by telling them I love them

I really dont know what to do, ive lost everything thats close to me, everything I've loved and cared about, and my so called friends dont seem to care or give a fuck

I cant keep hinding under this "cool calm" front no more, im fuckin dying here, i feel so lost and alone, and its all my own fault

I think I shall go hide under a rock for a while, i cant cope with this, its tearing me apart
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fucked [Nov. 6th, 2008|03:32 pm]
Ren
I have no heating, no fridge, no fireplace, no cooker, no microwave, no washer, nothing off the essential things to just keep living...

Applied for a budgeting loan to buy these essential items and its been refused

how the fuck can they do that?
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fuckin basterd benefits [Nov. 3rd, 2008|12:31 pm]
Ren
I've just been on to the phone to them, ive been signed off for over a year with health issues, I have no heating in my home what so ever, not even a feckin fire place and all they can say is well if you wait till January we might be able to do something for you then, fuck you and goodbye...
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Arghhh [Oct. 29th, 2008|10:51 pm]
Ren
Finding it real hard to keep things together, one minute I want to cry, next Ill be ready to put my fist through the wall
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To sum it up [Oct. 25th, 2008|10:27 am]
Ren
[Mood |depresseddepressed]

What more can you do when you try everything but only thing you receive in return is negativity?

I'm trying everything possible to try and save what I have, but nothing is working.

My life and mental state is breaking apart very quickly, I hate feeling this way.

But carry on, what do you care anyway ?
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